Maintaining Positive thoughts

I watched the Fighter last night. Pretty damn good movie, and Christian Bale is unequaled in his dedication to playing a role. He was the most convincing crackhead ever.

Part of keeping myself moving forward, is surrounding myself with positive thoughts. There are certain movies that really bring this out in me, the latest Rocky being one of them (that speech he gives to his son is incredible about life hitting back and winning isnt determined by how hard you hit but by how hard you can get hit and keep going).

I saw some political nastiness online today and I got real aggravated and posted a status update. A few minutes later, I realized, politics is such a negative quagmire, and it has a strong effect on my emotions, not always for the better. There isn’t really room for that right now. To keep in a positive headspace you have to steer away from what you know to be negative, so I took it down, and I’m resolving to remove those feeds which get me riled up the most. Let the world do what it will but this time, I have to be about me and getting ME where I need to BE.

Progress : definitely feeling the weight loss. Places on my legs where the lymphedema swells really bad (and it feels really tight) are diminshed and very soft. I’ll weigh here in a few days, would not be surprised to be down 20 lbs since last visit.

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A Great Way to Start the Day

(4:30 PM) erika.c: Carl seriously
(4:30 PM) Carl: ?
(4:30 PM) erika.c: you look like you have lost weight!!
(4:30 PM) Carl: oh thank you 
(4:30 PM) erika.c: I can totally tell!
(4:30 PM) erika.crumbley: Congrats

Thanks for making my day Erika!

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Adversity & Challenges

Sometimes, its hard not to get overwhelmed. Emotionally, physically, physiologically, you feel like you’re stuck. Things work best when there’s constant action/momentum applied, but you’ve been still for so long that you’re going to have to claw your way out of the hole, while hoisting a 300 lb anvil over your back.

Its not going to be easy. Its going to be hard. Its going to be the toughest fight of your life, tougher than anything you’ve ever done. Its where you’ll prove what you’re made of.

“But I have too many obstacles against me”.

This may be true. You may have sunk yourself to a point where the odds are stacked against you.

But in the real world, no one gives a damn. All the adversity, all the challenges you face, they only mean something to most people if you conquer them. Falling victim to them is good for some sympathy, but that and $2 buys you a cup of coffee.

Legends and great stories are made of people who faced the most difficult challenges, and managed to have the “true grit” to get through them.

Those that fail, will soon be forgotten. An occasional song tale of woe and potential not achieved, maybe an inspiring moment for someone who doesn’t want their life to be *that* bad.

But we don’t want to inspire that way, do we? I know I dont. I long to be larger than life itself. Attention whore of the highest degree here, I long to be someone who helped push or inspire others, not merely made them wince at the trainwreck my life has become.

This is what I try to tell myself when I’m feeling vunerable, overwhelmed, and sorry for myself.

No one gives a damn unless you make it to the finish line.

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Alpha – The (re)Beginning

Well here it is, the start (re-start) of I’ve got my bio here (about me), I’ve got the progress (as a way of keeping track of different goals/milestones/achievements, I’ll have a section for accountability of what I’ve eaten, and this will be the main page of the general blog.

As it stands, I’m 5 days into Induction on an Atkins/South Beach based diet. I list both because Induction is the same for both, but due to being hospitalized twice after periods of rapid weight loss on Atkins (for lymphedema/cellulitis) I’m going to be working on the South Beach plan (glycemix index based) and trying to slow the initial rapid weight loss.

(Crazy right? Why would you want to slow down the weight loss? Well, when you go from 450 to 405 in a month and a week and then you wind up in the hospital for 7 days/not able to work next 14, you tend to drag your heels getting back on the health wagon. Plus it kills me financially!!)

I’ve had many failures, more than I can count. Some friends have lost all their faith in me, some are no longer friends because they didnt want to see my self destruction. The last 10 years has been tough. One successful attempt at losing 80 lbs in 2003 has turned into horrible yo-yo’ing for the next 7, unable to replicate the original success.

But I’m feeling good about this. I’ve motivated, yet cautious (taking it a day at a time as any addict will do), I’ve got aspirations of what I can do when I lose a lot of this, and I’ve got things to go, places to go, and a particular woman or two to ask out ;-) !

So wish me luck. Feel free to read, comment, share, extrapolate. Tell your friends, maybe more readers will hold me more accountable.

Journey began : January 1st, 2011

Initial Weight : 475

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